Authenticity..........Feeels Good!!

I came here to live life fully but first I devolved intentionally, choosing to experience everything I was not, which served a greater purpose.

Around 2020, I received a “call” — not one I understood at the time, I just went along with it. But now five years later, in 2025, I realise it was a call to return home — to my essence. To Self-Love.

This is who we all are at our core - pure, self-loving beings. It’s within all of us to access, but often blocked by disconnection — by low vibrations: fear, guilt, shame, anger, hurt, hatred, rage, self-loathing, regret etc.

We all want to feel good — because feeling good is our natural state, it’s who we are.

Yet so often we don’t know how. Or worse, we know how but don’t feel worthy of it.

This was me.

Some of us reach for substances to fill the gap, to chase the fleeting dopamine hit that alcohol (or harder stuff) offers.

But it’s never a natural good feeling. And it always costs more than it gives. Days spent recovering, trying to repair the very disconnection we were running from.

The truth is, it takes you further from your authentic self, creating a painful cycle where you end up feeling worse — exactly what you were trying to escape in the first place.

I’m not here to preach, just to share what I’ve experienced and come to understand recently. Prosecco lowers my frequency, in the moment and also days after, it takes a long time to get back to a place of balance and to clear the chemicals from my body.

To me, being spiritual is simply returning to my true self.

Everything else is disconnection — and I’m done with that. I’m done with Prosecco for now. I can’t afford to keep losing days repairing my body and realigning my soul. The ups and downs delay my purpose and my spiritual growth.

An old friend, no longer here on Earth — I can feel his energy, very potent, loving and supportive and always makes me feel emotional in the most beautiful way.

There’s a link to lack of SELF - LOVE and I get a sense he feels very passionately about this. Self Love = good feelings naturally, which already resides within You - no alcohol (or anything else) needed. There’s a strong soul connection between us and he knows that I can impact and share SELF - LOVE to whoever I come into contact with, especially where there is soul to soul recognition. This is also potent through my writing and self expression - it’s my purpose which he feels closely connected to and very supportive of.

But - I can’t share self love if I’m not balanced or showing up as my most authentic self — I can’t truly speak my truth — if I’m disconnected from drinking alcohol. Especially prosecco, which seems to strip away my essence, pulling me back into old patterns of low self-worth - which looks like chasing validation from people who can’t meet me emotionally, who aren’t available or are battling demons of their own.

Here’s the truth of it:

Self-worth was never missing. I just disconnected from it — intentionally.

I fell into the pattern of feeling drawn to men who made me feel like I had to earn their love. Like I had to prove my worth.

Not because they were bad people, not because they wanted to hurt me — they simply couldn’t meet me emotionally.

But I’d chase, work harder, seek their approval — and when it inevitably fell apart, I’d be left feeling unworthy, inadequate.

Then I’d meet another man — same pattern, different face, maybe a slightly different situation but the same.

Each time they’d vanish, confirming a belief I carried inside: I’m not enough.

It took years for me to see it.

Only recently did I truly understand: it wasn’t me that was unworthy. It was a subconscious pattern of feeling attracted to men (they felt familiar to my nervous system) who could not match my energy.

The journey back to your most authentic self isn’t easy, especially if it was originally your intention to forget your true essence — but it’s worth it.

Because nothing feels better than loving yourself, naturally.

That’s what Self-Love is: allowing yourself to feel good, and knowing — deeply knowing — that you are worthy of it.

Chances are if you’ve been around me transformation would’ve been triggered. Some ready, some not and that’s ok but just know -

Heaven on earth is possible if you allow it.

Now that I’m on my way to mastering WORTHINESS — and have consciously understood the pattern — I wouldn’t be surprised if the man of my dreams shows up soon - All the signs are there, and the breakthroughs.

The one who is ready.

The one who is ALL IN.

The one who sees me, meets me, matches me.

The one who can hold my big, deep feminine flows and feelings.

We are here to be AUTHENTIC

To live fully aligned to who we truly are and this is why I’m choosing to step away from alcohol for a while — to let my body heal, lock in the new patterns of self worth that my soul has been craving and allow my true essence to shine.

So the bubbles for now (maybe forever) is a NO because I don’t want to keep repeating an old, tired cycle.

No, thank you.

I want NEWNESS.

I want good, natural feelings

I want what I truly deserve.

And my nervous system — trained by childhood patterns — needs time to adjust to my new story.

I’m going to give it exactly that xx